Authenticity: When Trying Too Hard Stops Feeling Genuine

Authenticity is my number one value. For me, it means being genuine, consistent, and honest about who you are. It doesn’t mean saying everything that comes into your head or using “I’m just being honest” as an excuse to be unkind. Authenticity still requires emotional intelligence, especially self-awareness, and respect.

There is also such a thing as trying too hard to appear authentic, supportive, positive, or caring. When it starts to feel like a performance, people can usually tell the difference.

When Good Communication Starts Feeling Scripted

Think about some of the things we experience at work. Someone repeatedly says, “I hear you” or “What I hear you saying is…” because they have learned that this demonstrates active listening. Those are perfectly good communication techniques, but when they are used excessively, they can start to feel scripted rather than sincere.

If you are really listening, you don’t always have to announce that you’re listening. Sometimes the most authentic response is simply to listen, ask a thoughtful question, acknowledge the point, and respond like a human being.

The same is true with positivity. “Happy Monday!” “Happy Tuesday!” “Happy Wednesday!” There is absolutely nothing wrong with being cheerful. I appreciate genuinely positive people, but positivity shouldn’t feel like another workplace performance.

For me a simple “Good morning” is enough. Sometimes people are having a difficult day, and sometimes there is a real problem that needs to be discussed. We don’t have to manufacture enthusiasm for every interaction.

Authenticity Is About Consistency

One of the biggest tests of authenticity is whether the person you are in one room is the same person you are in another. If you tell an employee to their face that they’re doing an amazing job and then criticize or ridicule them when they’re not in the room, what message does that send?

The same applies when someone says one thing privately but changes the story in front of senior leadership because the new version makes them look better. Or when a team accomplishes something together, but one person presents the success as their own when recognition is being handed out.

Those behaviors may produce short-term praise, but they can create long-term trust problems. People notice inconsistencies. They notice when the story changes depending on who’s in the room, when someone suddenly becomes more enthusiastic because a senior leader walked in, and when praise is generous to someone’s face but criticism comes as soon as that person leaves.

People also notice when their contributions disappear from the story of a team’s success. Giving credit doesn’t diminish your leadership. In my view, it strengthens it.

You Don’t Have to Perform Authenticity

Authenticity isn’t about having the perfect response. You don’t need the perfect leadership phrase. You don’t have to constantly demonstrate that you’re empathetic, be relentlessly positive, or agree with everyone. You certainly don’t need to tell people what you think they want to hear.

Sometimes authenticity sounds like, “I don’t know,” “I made a mistake,” or “I disagree, and here’s why.” It can also sound like, “You deserve the credit for that,” “I need some time to think about that,” or “You’re right. I hadn’t considered that.”

Those statements aren’t particularly sophisticated, and that’s exactly the point. They sound human.

Just Be Real

People don’t need a perfectly polished version of you. They need to know that the person they interact with is genuine and that your words, actions, and behavior are reasonably consistent, regardless of who else is in the room.

None of us gets that right all the time. Authenticity requires enough self-awareness to recognize when our words and actions don’t align, and enough humility to correct it.

So be kind because you’re kind. Listen because you genuinely want to understand. Give credit because it belongs to someone else. Tell the truth even when a different version might make you look better. And when you don’t know what to say, you don’t have to reach for the leadership phrase of the week.

Just be real. People can usually tell the difference.

What workplace behavior immediately feels inauthentic to you?